Of Jarheads, Spoonheads, and Foxheads
by Sauron of Borg
Summary: Star Trek/StarCraft/Star Fox Crossover. When the UED and the Cardassians prepare for another war, the inhabitants of a seemingly insignificant planet prepare to teach them a lesson they'll not soon forget. The planet's name: Cerinia.
1. Chapter 1

Of Jarheads, Spoonheads, and Foxheads

Chapter One

_In the course of seventy years, two wars had been fought between the United Earth Directorate and the Cardassian Union. Both wars were vicious and indecisive, with a combined death toll of more than a billion. But on the eve of what would have otherwise have been a third war, a small group of heroes arose to put an end to the Terran-Cardassian Conflict, in a very surprising way. This is the story of how that happened._

Gul Tret Morke'el paced through the hallways of his command center, walking in circles, going nowhere in particular. This was not the first time he regretted signing up for the Mechanized Infantry instead of the fleet. He'd thought that he'd always be on the front lines, engaging in exciting conflicts against the forces of the UED. Instead, he'd been assigned command of an outpost on some backwater planet whose name he still couldn't remember. And the only things mechanized enough to warrant calling it the "Mechanized Infantry" around here were the five attack skimmers and one disruptor tank that had been assigned to protect the base. Everything else filled up the infantry part around here more than well enough to make one worry at times. From the fouler-than-usual smelling latrines, to the less-than-appetizing rations, to the stills the men used to make alcoholic drinks from the local vegetation that would make a _kanar_ martini seem like low-proof beer. But the main problem was none of those things. No, it was the sheer unimaginable _boredom_ that came from being assigned to here. Many of the troops had turned to alcohol or gambling to solve this problem, but these were only temporary solutions. One of the more extreme cases involved taking one of the skimmers out for a joy ride. That was why there were now five skimmers on base, instead of the usual six. Sighing, he was just about to run another lap when a message came in.

_"Gul Morke'el."_ A feminine voice said over the announcers. _"There's a private message for you in your quarters. Coming straight from the Central Command."_

_The Central Command? What the hell could they possibly want?_ Tret thought. "Patch it through; I'll be there to take it." He said.

_"Yes sir."_ The young woman replied.

Tret walked into his quarters, and sat in the chair by his computer. As he faced it, the image of a middle-aged Cardassian man appeared onscreen. Tret was more than a bit surprised to find himself looking at none other than Legate Tekheny Ghemor, the leader of the Cardassian Union itself.

"L-Legate!" Tret said with a bit of shock. "This is really… uh… unexpected! I mean, all I was told was that it was the Central Command calling, I had no idea _you_ would be the one calling this backwater…" Tret didn't have time to finish his sentence before Ghemor interrupted him

"_Not who you were expecting, gul?_" Ghemor asked, with just a slight smirk on his face. "_You'll be happy to know that your request for transfer has been accepted. Starting tomorrow, you'll begin an assignment on Kladaros III_."

"Kladaros III. Isn't that the site of a research facility?" Tret asked. Ghemor nodded.

_"And your particular skills pertain to this mission, gul."_ Legate Ghemor said.

"Skills?"

_"I read your report on the joy-rider when selecting a gul to lead this mission. The fact that you found the wreckage at the distance it was in the time you did only improves your chances."_

Tret remembered the joy-rider. Some bored soldier had taken one of the assault skimmers out for a spin, and had just plain disappeared in one of the forests surrounding the base. Not willing to risk losing another skimmer, and with the tank under repairs, they had to travel on foot through the thick woods. The soldier was clearly a great pilot. The skimmer had only left a few plants here and there (along with the side of one tree) razed. When they had finally found the flaming debris nearly sixty kilometers from base, they had been gone for only five hours. Tret began to realize that this was a mission of importance, through uneasy terrain.

"So, what's the mission?" He asked the Legate.

_"At 0900 hours, the base was destroyed by unknown persons."_

"Unknown Persons? You mean the humans, don't you?"

_"I wish I did. But the damage done to the base was inconsistent with anything either we or the UED have been able to do. Not only that, but the UED base on that planet was also destroyed."_

"Let me guess…" Tret began. "Under identical conditions. Right?"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Colonel Richard Thompson of the UED's Shadow Squadron Ghost Team was currently preoccupied with the new mission. Being the co-leader of a joint UED-Cardassian reconnaissance team was not going to be easy. First of all, no one knew what they were looking for on this planet. And secondly, working with the Cardies was not something he was going to enjoy, given the long history of strife between his people and the Cardassians. It wasn't going to be a pleasant mission, or an easy one. Made harder by the fact that not every human on his team was a Ghost. He sighed, grabbed his C-10 Rifle, and started walking down to the briefing room.

Thompson entered the briefing room, to find three men – two humans and one Cardassian – looking at him. The two humans he recognized immediately – Admiral Gerard DuGalle and Vice Admiral Alexei Stukov, two of the UED's most decorated officers. The Cardassian was doubtlessly the gul who had been assigned to help him lead the mission.

"Ah, Colonel." DuGalle began. "This is Gul Morke'el. I trust you know why you are both here?"

"The destruction of the two bases." Tret and Thompson said simultaneously, before exchanging awkward glances. DuGalle chuckled.

"Good. Then all you need to know is that both bases were destroyed at 0900. Due to the simultaneous times of the attacks, you and your troops will be dropped off at a position equidistant from the two bases, approximately where we think the attack came from." Both of the younger men turned toward Admiral DuGalle. Tret nodded in respect, while Thompson gave a smart salute, before both of them turned and left the room. Stukov turned to Gerard.

"Do you think that the attacks could have been by natives?" The Russian asked.

"Absolutely not!" The Frenchman yelled back. "Both Cardassian and our own starships would have detected them before we set up those bases!"

"But if there were natives, wouldn't it be possible for them to be a subterranean society, not unlike the naked mole rats or termites of Earth? If so, they would have escaped our sensors." Stukov replied.

"Then why didn't they attack when we first arrived on the planet?"

For this, Stukov had no answer. But as it would turn out, the truth would be far, far more unusual then either man could guess.


End file.
